KATS

SMALL F#*^ING WORLD

What's becoming a weekly ceremony opposing softball players were observed doing a Rain Dance Tuesday afternoon in an effort to not have to play the KATS.  But it did not dampen the spirits of the KATS who turned out to celebrate Dan's first half century at the local watering hole.  

The KATS composed of players from all woks of life (Did you catch that Ron....Woks of life.....you needed to be there to understand) helped Dan usher in another new decade.  Dan was excited to receive a new leather thong to now go with his leather vest. Liz presented Dan with a beautiful array of photos capturing Dan in action.  Not since the early '50's when Stan the Man ruled the baseball world has there been anyone who could come close to filling Stan's shoes. But now we have Dan the Man, who hits with power (just ask Cori), fields like a vacuum, runs the bases like a quarter horse, and never says a bad thing about anyone with his remarkable game recaps.

 

The KATS made up of players who trekked West to find gold, only to find diamonds instead. Beautiful softball diamonds in all shapes and sizes. Then meeting up with players from the East who left ‘their people’ to seek their fortune (cookies) in the West. Players from the Rockies who headed West looking for love and romance and players from Arizona who had to get out before they were lynched and sent packing! All these fine players by chance finding each other in the middle of an Oasis realizing they all had a common bond, drinking beer. Yes the wonderful mixture of youth and "experienced" players has proven deadly over the years to opposing teams.

 

As the evening progressed and most of the problems of the World had been solved only Mary seemed stumped that she still did not have the answer as to why Mt. Ash Hole could hold an eruption for so long and continue to come with all that ash! It was also clear by the end of the evening that Laura was becoming more and more concerned that with all of these rain outs she may be forced to postpone her wedding so as not to miss the playoffs.  A real tough problem since she has already ordered the cupcakes!

 

About half way through Dan's party Cori limped in with a note from home excusing her for being late. She immediate gave Dan a big hug then clobbered him with her bat as payback for his hitting her in the knee last week. As the evening progressed even more and the "O" was about ready to reopen for Wednesdays business...Cori with her brilliant mind for figures put two and two together and realized that prim and proper Liz was related to Cori's former playing friend and opponent, known for belches that could be heard blocks away and language becoming of a trucker, the one and only Colin! Cori in complete shock exclaimed ‘What a Small F#%^ing World’...........and those that stayed home and missed being with the real American Idol Dan the Man, or stayed home because the moon wasn't full had better bring more then milk & cookies to our next game.......and again HAPPY BIRTHDAY to LISA, TIM & DAN.

 

Tough game next week let' see everyone there for the first time this season!

Bob

The knee shot heard around the FIELD

Being as I was excused per my Softball Contract, article 294.98456 [Stanley Cup Playoff],  the knee shot heard around the FIELD was reported to me via email.  It seems Dan 'The Ink Slinger' was taking out his frustrations with his bat because he had been unable to complete his KATS Recap Assignments.  During his at bat he inadvertently hit a line shot off a KATS player knee. That KATS player was none other then the newbie Cori Stoval!  With the crowd silenced in horror Cori stuck it out with her injury the rest of the night, while Dan apologized profusely. Though it was heard under Cori's breath she made the statement "Next time Dan, pick up your skirt and hit the ball!'  To date Dan 'The Inkslinger' has not been able to complete his recap assignments and Ron is looking to recruit further writing apprentices to fill his shoes.  Dan is not sure he will ever be able to write again after he caused the injury to his own team mate.  Team doctors have declared that Dan is suffering from 'Post traumatic Softball Stress'.  Ron has given him a sabatical from writing until he can get counselling after this traumatic player injury.  We have attached a photo but do caution all of it's graphic content (Audrey you may want to turn your head).

Knee

Photos! | Good ol Jim on the lens

OK KATS, Jim once again provided me with his USB full and I mean FULL of Winter KATS softball!  I can't post them all because I think the blog police will find me and arrest me for FILE FULL overloading the servers.  So I do my best in picking through the photos and hoping that I post the good ones that you peeps will like.  There are more to come but here is about 12% of them....LOL Enjoy and thanks to Jim for bringing his camera and lens out to the games. I've been falling behind on the photographer duty...well that and I don't have $2000 zoom lens like Jim!

Naomi making the throw!

The 'O' Chatter | Mary McCready

MtStHelens

At the Oasis last night, Jim waxed both poetic and verbose about "the good old days" when a volcanic eruption was cause for wonder and awe and not merely an inconvenience to international travel.  As it turns out, this spate of nostalgia was prompted by the 30th anniversary of the eruption of Mount St. Helens -- a watershed event in the life of the budding geologist.  As Jim was fully enjoying puberty during the massive eruption, his life was forever colored by this cataclysmic event.  Each year on this anniversary, he enjoys the taboo practice of ash-cake Wednesday to honor the giant spasm of nature.  However, he has deferred this year's ritual until next week so Liz and Tim can also participate.  Fair warning to those that like their ejecta to be distant (like, in Iceland)!

Please review this link from a scientific weekly magazine about the 30-year legacy. You will be tested on it at the next mandatory 'O' meeting.  That means you Audrey! Mount St. Helens: A 30- Year Legacy of Volcanism.

Player complains | Threatens coach

KATS 3^rd basewoman Audrey Kung has threaten KATS coach Ron Okada with breaking her contract after she was threaten by another player of not attending mandatory beer drinking at the ‘O’.  Audrey has missed multiple meetings but has had legitimate excuses up to this point. Audrey is the primary owner of ‘Fuzz’, the KATS team mascot and has been tossed from the ‘O’ multiple times after they stated that the Fuzz was not allowed at the ‘O’ because of hygiene issues.  Audrey promptly attended hygiene classes but the Fuzz did not make the cut and thus Audrey had missed several meetings, which Coach Ron accepted. But after the last KATS victory Audrey did have proper human coverage for the Fuzz but still did not attend the mandatory ‘O’ meeting and coach Ron investigated after a mysterious photo showed up on the internet...below is the photo, evidence that Audrey has stepped out on the KATS and now an indepth investigation has been issued.

Audrey has ‘No Comment’ but coach Ron will be checking her bat bag for fairy dust and a possible sparkly wand that has gone missing from Never, Neverland.

Audrey Kung

Master Bob's | Editorial

Bob Master of Ceremonies

On a cloudless, DRY, beautiful night the PROUD, the FEW, the DEDICATED, the WOUNDED, the KATS that can stay up after 9:00 without a note from home, the KATS that can drink beer from both the right and left sides took to the sandbox at Palo Alto.  After a month’s absence the Kats looked disjointed, confused, dazed and sober and then they took the field!!  After a terrible 1^st inning Coach Ron threw his clipboard on the ground and lit into the KATS with threats of spending an hour after the game with scorekeeper David, or farming them off to the KATS farm team in Lodi, "The Dawgs".  The rest is history and full details will follow in a later publication of Dan's Game Highlights.

 

But controversy still lingers as to the missing KATS on Tuesday night . . . Mary reported off to Washington for a clinical study on "Why Tiger Woods keeps getting "Stiff" when putting!!, and Bowler not showing up because he ripped his leotards during some sort of practice and didn't have a back up pair, and Jim missed his flight because he "couldn't get off his rocks" down South, Jim there are rocks in Cal. that you can explore!!, and Matt not being able to play late games when there is a full moon, he might get his tail caught between his legs!!, and our new recruits not showing because their waivers hadn't cleared yet....and where is Lisa, did someone take her "Bridge Pass" and she's stuck in the East Bay?

 

At least Ron can walk the halls of SRI holding his head high today for the KATS clawed and scratched their way to a tough win, GOOD JOB GANG!!!

 

For Immediate Release:

Ladies Home Journal

The Watch Tower

Mad Magazine

American Medical Journal

For Robin and Ron

Recently Ron and Robin lost there wonderful pet Kali, I just wanted to post a quote that I thought was fitting.

"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive."  ~Gilda Radner

"The Iceland Volcano"...it's just easier...

Since Liz & Dan had the week off, thought we should bring you up to date with current KAT players who may or may not have had their travel plans hampered by Mt. Eyjafjallajokull, that's easy for you to spell, that's the word that knocked me out of our 3d grade spelling bee!! �Forgot one of the j's is silent......

Vegas odds dropped last week when Bowler was reportedly seen at the "O" on a Tuesday. �But a sudden rain storm washed out any chance of finding out if this was true or not. �Many of you will remember Bowler only a few years ago was a husky 5'2" weighing in at 120 lbs. �But since his pregame visits to the "O" has more than filled out his KAT'S uniform. �It is thought he goes to the "O" to listen to his stereo-ooooooids. �It is not "Clear" if this is what he is doing only his trainer knows for sure.

Audrey left our last game in a huff saying she was going to China to be with "her people". �Truth is she was heading to China to seek a role in the new block buster movie "Where's Waldo Well Hung"......based on the exciting novels "Where's Waldo?" �Unfortunately Audrey didn't land the starring role, but was sent out among�"her people" to find Waldo!! �She only has 900 million left to interview; she hopes to rejoin the KATs before the season ends!!

Jim returned from the South sporting a new "Mountain Man" appearance, either that or he was in direct line of the volcano blast. �It is rumored Jim sent out to one of the local escort services to have a nanny sent to his tent. �Jim not knowing a nanny in the south is a goat.......Jim said he was glad to be baaaaaaaaaack!!

And poor Mary stuck on Iceland’s neighboring tourist hot spot Greenland was seen taking pictures of Mt. Eyjafjallajokull, known now to the locals as Mt. Ash Hole.......but last report on Mary was she was seen at the Hertz Rent A Canoe counter saying she had a game to get to and had to get her ash out of town!!! �

So hopefully if the Weather Gods all cooperate next Tuesday we can have a chance to catch up with all of our globetrotting KATS and get the real scoop......but in the mean time if your batting average isn't above .750 we WILL SEE YOU AT PRACTICE this Sunday or you must bring a note from your therapist explaining why you weren't there.

A Focused Kats Team Plays With Confidence!

Da KAT Gals

On a field that can be best described as quirky with a powdery infield, a clumpy and overgrown outfield, and nightclub lighting, the Kats put up their second big W on Tuesday night versus a very strong Lumberjacks squad. The Kats scored 19 runs on 26 hits. The Kats got one run in the top of the first inning on singles by Marc, Rachel and Dan. The Kats added two more in the second inning on walk to Liz, double by Ron and singles by Marc and Audrey. In both innings the Kats got their runs with two outs. The third inning proved to be a back breaker – the Kats sent 15 players to the plate and scored 10 runs with just about everyone collecting one or even two hits in the inning. The Kats went quietly in the fourth and fifth innings before putting up 6 insurance runs in the top of the 6^th and final inning. The Kats would need some of those runs as the Lumberjacks were relentless in their comeback finally stalling with 14 runs.

There were lots of highlights:

Marc continues to have a career year. He had 5 singles and was 5 for 5 in the lead-off spot. He made several stellar plays at short. Marc informed Ron after the game, that he will be playing shortstop FOREVER!!

Audrey spent most of the night at the hot corner and made some nice plays and was the courageous one who had to endure some beastly shots hit by the Lumberjacks (anyone have a catchers mask for Audrey).  Audrey had a pair of singles and scored a key run in the 6^th inning.  Audrey will miss the next game because she has to go to China “to be with her people” as she noted. Does this mean we are not her 'people'?

Bob scored 3 runs and had 2 hits. Bob tossed another masterful game (as usual for this dude) – getting key strikeouts and making sure that the Lumber jacks’ bombs were solo shots. Bob keeps us all going during the week with his great jokes, emails and inspirational notes. (beware of the XXX ones, open at your own risk).

Rachel, in her matching (fashion DO), very expensive workout suit, casually had three hits and fielded her position flawlessly and had a couple of nice throws to the plate. Rachel is the Queen of Cool. Liz is going to have to change her blog nickname for sure.

Dan turned back the hands of time a bit on this night and put up a 5 for 5 nights with 3 doubles and 7 RBI’s.  A Nuckolls number of hits and a Thordsen number of RBI’s. Dan also continues to turn routine fly balls into adventures . . . but as long as he catches them.  And all us KATS love to watch em too...the back peddel catch was classic. 

Playing everywhere, Cori scored once and had a hit an a RBI.  She should have had another hit as the umpire was asleep and did not call the trapped ball after it bounced right into the shortstops clove.

Matt banged out two hits and made all the plays in left field even a beautiful catch down the left field line having to avoid the homeless plastic baggy man in foul territory. Did Matt have a birthday and not tell us?

Liz was her usual clutch self with two key hits.  Liz was most worried about her beloved Sharks and their upcoming playoff games. I still don’t get it, where did this California/Arizona girl find ice hockey?

Coach Ron, quietly had two doubles and three RBI’s and did a good job at first base. Ron told Dan this year to go back and play the outfield because he was playing first. Dan, of course, complained vehemently given that Right Center Field is further from the dugout, but guess what . . . Coach Ron makes the line-up.

Last Minute Laura arrived at the last minute, and had a couple of hits and made the play of the year, a long running catch in left center to take the wind out of the Lumberjacks sails in the sixth inning. Liz will not be changing her blog nickname to 'last minute Laura' because 'Oh Damn' is still the best nickname ever for Laura, ya had to be there to know why. 

Mary was in Greenland and we are all wondering if she will get home for next week’s game with the volcano eruption in Iceland. And Jim was in Mississippi still digging up rocks for his rock collection along with his millions of lines per inch HDTV sets. Both were dearly missed.

Oh and the discussion at the 'O' was based on how Dan always seems to get there last so that he doesn't have to buy a pitcher of beer...later that night we found out that Dan is LOADED $$$....Ron noted and we all agreed that Dan is buying mucho pitchers next game and for that matter 'Professor' Dan will be buying for the rest of the year!

Vegas Odds n the KATS

Marc and Tim

Elvis returning to Vegas for next performance.............4 to 1

Bowler returning to KATS for next game ....................9 to 1

Obama winning Academy Award................................Even Money

Great game Tuesday Night KATS.......looks like a very competitive league this year so we need everybody to show up each week to keep in the race.